I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize