My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
