oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Randomize
