No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
