i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
