69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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