im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
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My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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