I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
