Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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