You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
