Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
