Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
