No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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