Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
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Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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