wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
