I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
