When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
