I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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