wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
