Can i not drive my cunt home
I just threw up on my dentist
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
