dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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