she was so not down for the gang bang
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All the doctor said was why
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
