At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
