Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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