I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
