I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
