My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
