I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
