Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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