We're facebook friends in real life
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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