dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
