My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
