And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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