You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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