playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
