The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
