I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
