Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
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