I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
