Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
