xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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