So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
