He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
