so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
