we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
