Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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