You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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