This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
