I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
