addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
