the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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