I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
