We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
