No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I could make wine with my vomit
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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