he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize