I just cut my nipple shaving
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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