I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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